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June 24th, 2006
07:41 pm
Rishi Patel, Sidhant Mehra, and I have formed a sort of support group devoted to coping with the 'societal burden' of living in central new jersey during summer, surrounded by sweaty baffoons.
If we call you, it means you are not a sweaty baffoon.
If we ask you out to dinner or some such, it means you've made the 'list'.
This list consists of people who are worth our collective time.
If you are physically and emotionally able to do so, please except our odd and most likely Edwardian invitation.
You will find yourself intellectually and philosophically stimulated
and most importantly, glad that you did.
Now let me share with you a brief passage from 'Candide, or Optimism', a novella written in 1759 by Francois-Marie Arouet, or 'Voltaire', an enduring though very deceased friend of mine, and translated by Theo Cuffe, the only man for the job.
'There goes another one,' said Cunegonde. 'There will be no pardon now; we are excommunicate, our final hour is at hand. What on Earth has got into you, who were born so gentle, to do away with a Jew and a prelate in the space of two minutes?'
-'My dear young lady,' replied Candide,'when you are in love, and jealous, and have been flogged by the inquisition, there's no knowing what you may do.'
Listen-
Everything was beautiful, and nothing hurt.
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January 10th, 2006
11:28 pm
As you all probably no doubt know because of my idiotic rants, I am a photographer. However, you might wonder ...where are all the pictures? Dont be ashamed, it is not a stupid question. (I'd like to point out however that 2+2 and 'is there a god' are, in fact, stupid questions)
And now, without further adeiu, (or however you spell that)
In an attempt at shameless self promotion, (try saying that one five times fast!)
THE PHOTOGRAPHs
Just four for now, chicks
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September 5th, 2005
12:36 am
"Willidarsky! Grab the keys to that other boat so they cant pursue us! ...No, wait! They might have another set...just blow it up!"
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August 26th, 2005
11:54 pm
"You know, I'd like to try another lion," Macomber said. "I'm really not afraid of them now. After all, what can they do to you?"
"That's it," said Wilson." Worst one can do is kill you. How does it go? Shakespeare. Damned good. Used to quote it to myself at one time. Let's see. 'By my troth, I care not; a man can die but once; we owe God a death and let it go which way it will he that dies this year is quit for the next.' Damned fine, eh?"
He was very embarrassed, having brought out this thing he had lived by, but he had seen men come of age before and it always moved him. It was not a matter of their twenty-first birthday.
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July 1st, 2005
04:02 pm - Xenomorph
Well...things are nice, I guess. Career options abound. Kuang and I are thinking about starting up a bubble tea place here in marlboro/internet company...although the main thing that stops me there is that then there'd be one more (rather large) thing to keep me here. I'm going to submit some story ideas to Tokyopop, to see if I actually have talent or if I'm just crazy.
Hm...I have to be honest. I'm starting to lose all the reasons why I have this thing.
Oh, and my cell phone broke, so you, yes YOU (don't pretend that I'm talking to someone else) have to give me your phone number.
non-vegetarian,
Chris
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June 24th, 2005
10:51 am
whhhhooooaaaa
what a week.
advice (for this week) I wish someone had given me,
concerning a caucasian boy dating an asian girl
*ahem*
when dating an asian girl, be prepared for the merciless torturing proddings into your sex life by various other asian girls, who are simply nosey and/or want to destroy your girl friend's reputation with potential information gleaned from your STUPID WHITE ASS. (That is of course, unless you kept quiet and remained defiant thru all of her tortures )
Sooo much stuff...graduation. Not mine, Kuang's. Thats where I was harassed by said asian girl...I mean, come ON!
Becky's party...
sleeping in my jeep... *(ouch)
hand cuffs...(...ouch?)
anyhoo, I told Kuang she is officially a bum now, because she isn't in highschool anymore, but has not yet gone to college, so she is school-less. ha! bum!
(but what a beautiful, cute, sexy, wonderful bum she is)
Lauren's graduation party, in which I was the only man in a house full of...really REALLY annoying weird shrieky manga enslaved gay-anime loving otoku girls...:::shiver:::
They were all over the place! You couldn't throw a ...a...volume of GTO without hitting one in the forehead!
Then I got home and saw that a new issue of NewTypeUSA had arrived, and for some reason...*eys glaze over* this single issue of newtype changed my career path foreverrrrrr. It had an interview with Wata-nabe and a really interesting article in the back...and now I want to direct anime. I want to work more with the story and narrative elements and really leave my mark on this awesome, up and coming industry that is BEGGING for new talent and is relatively easy to get into. SWEEEEEET. By...5 years from now, I want to be up there with Wata-nabe (Cowboy Bebop, Samurai Champloo) I will be the greatest living american anime producer and director EVER! I mean, if it is one thing I have talent in...its story telling. I could kick but in this place, and i think I will. All I need to do is work hard...*clenches fist* GRR!
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May 28th, 2005
11:30 am
hrm...*turns this into the xanga of every teenager in the country*
yay! PROM '05!
hm...many interesting moments...
Like when Kuang and Lauren walked into the bathroom as my girlfriend and her best friend and came out lesbian lovers. (what is IN those bathrooms anyway? Spas? Salon? Manicure stations? I think about a quarter of the night was spent leaning on the wall next to the girls bathroom, sipping a coke, waiting, just waiting...)
ANYWAY, that is a mystery I may never solve.
Hm...what else...
Kuang and Lauren (but mostly Kuang THANK GOD) finding out there were holes in my pockets...'nuff said!
Oh, my personal runners up for the evening would have to be ...me supposedly 'dancing' (I didn't think so, but it seemed to fool some people)
I know, your thinking 'Chris, Dance? What the FUCK?!'
yep.
anyway...
And the best part of the evening issssss...
"Oh my god, he looks like a jewish nun!"
I love my Kuang Shriane Chang, she is the love of my life.
More later maybe...oh, and pictures.
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May 25th, 2005
12:11 am
my girl friend has a stalker. creepy.
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May 23rd, 2005
10:11 pm - haha, hypocrite
so, in accordance with my new career path, I think I'll turn this into
a more visual media outlet. Less words, more visceral images, more
feeling then ever before. That kind of thing.
Enjoy...
p.s. here is a pic of me, just because i said I'd never take another, (love being an asshole to myself)
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May 19th, 2005
12:18 pm
I need longer hair. I'd be happy if it was long enough that I had to tie it back sometimes.
Summer sessions rock. I wish fall and spring semesters were like this. Everything is crammed into 6 weeks.
In acouple of months I'll be 19. I've lied about my age a couple of times recently...saying I was younger.
Eww, my key board is filthy.
I need some new music.
I need some new threads.
Blahhhh.
Where are we going and where have we been?
*muah*
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May 17th, 2005
07:31 pm
yay...new bg. Everyone who's anyone should come and see it. You won't regret it.
more on life later.
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April 25th, 2005
01:21 am - Mostly harmless
I need to stop being so damned...impressionable, and do my own thing. I used to think...I was incapable of doing anything on my own, of my own accord. I used to think...every thing I learned about life came from everything I read and saw and heard. I lived like manga characters lived, I thought as whatever philosopher I was reading about at the time thought, I wrote the same way I read...I need to stop immitating, and do my own damn thing. I mean, manga characters are nice for clothes and stuff. Fashion tips, hah ^_^ but...I want to react to the world the way I would react as an individual. First thing is- Models suck. Modeling sucks. I don't care if a million scouts came up to me and offered me millions. I wouldnt give them a second of my damn time. To have my face plastered on some stupid ad for some consumer driven fucking establishment- yep, great. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm willing to do a lot for money, but I'm just so fed up with the idea of beauty. People think beauty equals happiness...untrue of course, but I think I hate the idea of seeing my face (or body) for much more personal reasons. I did something this weekend that was so...evil. So wicked. So fucking...out of character. I didnt like who I had become at all. And strange as it may sound...I swear to god, I find it much more difficult to look at myself in the mirror nowadays. Does that sound odd?
I am not who I am at all.
Oh, and i am overwhelmed with glee at the thought of deleting every single one of these
STUPID
STUPID
photos I have shot of myself.
So if they disappear one of these days, you'll know where they went and why...
Jesus, I mean what kind of self-idolizing asshole takes so many damned picture s of himself!?
What a bastard.
Hm, that sentence made no sense.
I want to apply myself to something. See how smart I truly am. Take advantage of that other 98 percent, so to speak. Fill it. Fill it with anything. She wants something different. Some thing new. Hmm. Well, maybe I’ll become something new. Being ‘pretty good’ at lots of stuff isn’t good enough anymore. I've got to take it to the next level, baby. Some one yelled out on TV in the other room a couple of minutes ago “Having a head full of ideas and no guts ain’t gonna feed your family, son!” True, and in my sense, true as well. I’ve got no guts. No confidence. But I seem to have gall. I want the world to float on over to me. It ain’t gonna happen.
notes on dream girl-
I think...for some reason, lately I've been wanting the kind of feeling a guy gets when a girl takes care of him. Like, if he's sick, and all alone, she shows up on his door step to make him chicken soup, or dress him or something. Completely undeserved, unexpected, in love...cared for. That no matter what, if he ever is weak, can't fend for himself, she'll be there. Wherever he is, wherever she is, she'll know and just...be there.
Blahhh, thus are the ramblings of an angry young man at 1 in the morning.
live long and prosper~
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April 7th, 2005
03:50 pm
Well, life really sucks right now. I'd put it more bluntly or poetically if I could, but I can't. I wrote several poems a couple of days ago. I had to drop my Art History class because the one class I didn't go to just happened to be the midterm and the stupid teacher (who is abuot...3 years older then me) won't let me make it up. I'm lieing to my parents that I'm going to speech class on thursdays. I'm not. I have no idea how to get out of this. I got two f's last cemester. my gpa is a 1.5. I'm on academic probation. I remember...when I first came to brookdale, I was planning on getting straight A's. What the FUCK happened. I feel like a complete and utter failure. I have no motivation. No academic talent. I go into a cemester wanting A's and it becomes a complete nuclear meltdown of a disaster. How am i going to get to Rutgers, much less anywhere, if I can't even do THIS? Actually, its even more of a failure because, for nothing else, I wanted to get good grades. I made it a personal goal. Its one thing when you fail others, its totally different when you fail yourself. I'm so stupid. and the toughest part is that I keep making the same mistakes.
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April 1st, 2005
01:27 am - tell them to bring cash
I always ended up thinking about "The many lives of John Lennon". I always hoped that some one someday would research and glorify and write so exhaustingly of my life as they did of John Lennons. I desperately wanted to make sure that some one else besides me knew...it all made sense. Every last bit of it.
Life.
the things you know in your bones
to be the absolute truths of reality
you will have one day
forgotten
or
discarded
or
destroyed.
Your most passionate
poetry
will lay crumpled
in an attic suitcase.
The place where you had your first kiss,
with your first love,
will become a parking lot,
she will become the nameless, faceless girl
who gives you your coffee on some
dreary,
dreamy tuesday
and the kiss
will become an
unsavory whisper
that comes to you
early in the morning,
when only you and the ghosts
are awake.
Everything you'd die for will one day be wrong
or betrayed
by you,
And every woman you love
will be wrong
or betray you.
(It doesn't mean they don't love you)
Every god damned moment
wasted in bed
dreaming,
fucking,
eyes open,
eyes closed,
will be
all you have.
Will be the end.
Forever.
Until your bones
return to the earth
and your atoms
return to the stars
whence they came,
the universe they
strayed from
absorbs them back
into the blackest ether
from which it all blew in.
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March 20th, 2005
07:22 pm - a terrifically terrible rant
I thoroughly hate both sexes. I hate boys because they fall over like a god damned leaf of grass to the wind for my ohh so innocent litte waif girl friend and do whatever she says, including trying to hook up with her and god knows what else. It DOES give it a bit more sting however when I also mention that these guys are my friends, whom I talk to from time to time online, usually about the girl. We are such spineless fucking pricks and it makes me mad as hell.
ngénue
I just don’t know what to do
The tree-lined avenue
Begins to fade from view
Drowning past regrets
In tea and cigarettes
But I can’t seem to forget
When you came along
Ingénue
Ingénue
I just don’t know what to do
I'm either going for brooks or the art institute of phili. Either way, I am breaking the chains that bind me to this place, my self, my old world. Im breaking free, and I will reinvent who I am so much and so well that it will be as if my time here never happened. There will just be my memory of it.
Don't bother to say you´re sorry
Why don't you come in?
Smoke all my cigarettes - again.
Everytime I get no further
How long has it been?
Come on in now
wipe your feet on my dreams.
You take up my time
Like some cheap magazine
When I could have been
learning something
Oh well, you know what I mean.
I've done this before
And I will do it again
C'mon and kill me baby
While you smile like a friend
Oh and I'll come running
Just to do it - again.
You are that last drink I never should have drunk
You are the body hidden in the trunk
You are the habit I can't seem to kick
You are my secrets on the front page every week.
You are the car I never should have bought
You are the train I never should have caught
You are the cut that makes me hide my face
You are the party that makes me feel my age.
Like a car crash I can see but I just can't avoid
Like a plane I've been told I never should board
like a film that's so bad but
I got to stay 'til the end
Let me tell you now
it's lucky for you that we're friends.
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March 15th, 2005
07:36 pm
haven't updated in a long time...
Probably because no one really cares, but also because too much has been going on...it gets tiring having to chase my feelings down, tanquilize it, bag it, and express it. Some times my feelings just want to be left alone. Some events of interest-
Was standing in my kitchen and was thinking about summer and realized how badly I wanted to play basketball...I used to play basketball all the time when I was a kid...the smell of the rubber and dirt on your hands, the crickets chorus singing away to the tune of another mysterious night. Whatever. Other activities I'm looking into include-
Rock-climbing. It looks like a fun way to keep in shape.
Dirt-biking. Motor or non-motor. But there aren't any tracks anywhere. I found trails though, so I guess now I need a bike.
Pool- the staple sport for any bad-ass, tehe.
Surfing eventually. Need a board. My brother has one that he found at the county dump ;)
Besides that...just enjoying spring break. And the money my new job is netting. the gf would complain that she had to pay for everything but now...I make double her pay! Yay!
I really need to go out with some friends.
And do some thing dangerous
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February 27th, 2005
01:16 am
what!? cheesy inner monologues in a FF game? And death metal? Weird...
Brooks is looking sweeter and sweeter, thanks to three things-
1.) the steadily tightening noose around my neck tied by my parents
2.)the steady realization that the woman I love doesn't appreciate me and has absolutely NO idea what a mature relationship is. She abuses me to no end.
3.)every person whom I respect saying I'd be daft not to go.
Losing my girl friend is actually a good thing tho. No ties to this coast if I let her go. All the better.
Do I sound heartless or angry? Whatever.
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February 25th, 2005
10:40 pm - Bomb shell
so...aces solid on the Deli section of Delicious Orchards ;) I'm dead now though...-_- Went to the mall right after and got FF10 and Rygar for less then 30 bucks! Sweet!
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February 24th, 2005
11:50 pm
had a dream last night I just remembered. I woke up (in my dream) and looked out the window. It looked like it had snowed but something looked...odd. I went outside and jumped into the snow...only to find my shoes were covered in ashes. four or five inches of ashes...
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09:35 pm - my girl friend has no respect for men...
Finally FINALLY finished my stupid art history. Everyone I talk about it to nearly grabs me by the throat and yells at me to go to Brooks, but does anyone really understand what its like leaving the place you've known your whole life, all of your carefully made fortifications, painstakingly placed defenses to go 3000 miles away from the people you love and love you?
Are you suicidal?
Only in the morning.
***edit***
I also need to build good friendships with some people. Lasting. Strong. With the right people.
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walterimmune's journal